For many people, one of the most stressful life event is the realization that a friendship no longer works, especially if admitting this fact to your friend doesn’t bring about any changes in their behavior.
Perhaps we have changed, or our friends have changed; regardless of the cause, we continually find ourselves burned out or unhappy as the friendship progresses. Here are just five ways to know when its time to move on if changes don’t occur.
1. You Feel Worse After a Meeting
One of the biggest red flags in a friendship is when our self-esteem takes a pummeling after a conversation with a friend. If your friend is giving you back-handed compliments, magnifying their accomplishments next to yours in order to feel better, or outright insulting you when theyre angry, chances are that you are losing out in the long run of the relationship.
2. Its All About Them
We have all had a friend that only wants to discuss their problems when they have them. Such friendships are not only one-sided but can also can leave us drained. If you are constantly dealing with two hour problem-solving sessions with a friend in which your life never enters into the conversation, you might be challenged with a friendship that has nothing to do with your best interests. And that can be a painful spot to be in when you have your own needs neglected.
3. Your Friendship Affects Your Relationships With Others
We all know people who are prone to gossip, but we often don’t realize how destructive a person that gossips can be in our personal lives. If you notice that every mutual friend you have with a gossipy person has a negative viewpoint on you, it may be a sign that you are being put down behind your back by a friend. Not only will this negatively affect your self-esteem, but you may also find that your reputation begins to suffer.
4. Your Friend Constantly Oversteps Your Boundaries
While we all want to make others more happy in their lives, its often true that when we have friends who insert themselves into other areas of our life, we can quickly become very unhappy. If you have a friend who is constantly going behind your back under the premise that any friend of yours is a friend of mine, you may quickly find that your relationships suffer as others feel bothered because of you and the constant intrusions of your mutual friend.
5. You Feel Used
One of the worst realizations we can have in a friendship is when others use us to get something, or the friendship becomes unequal in some way. Perhaps your friend wants a promotion or a job through a company you are a part of, or there is some other financial benefit your friend gets from knowing you. Whatever the case, once your friend has gotten what they originally wanted, they quickly turn on you. Such relationships can make us feel bad about ourselves, even as were simply doing our best to help others. When our needs are intentionally left to wither on the vine because of a relationship, we need to correct the situation.
For these reasons, understanding when loyalty is hurting us more than helping us is a great way to know when to call a friendship quits. In the long run, our personal health and well-being are just too important to let others put us down and make us feel bad. If you are finding yourself in these situations, it may be time to put yourself first and regain the sense of self you deserve.